So you remember those days in the distant past, in the years B.C. (That means Before Cell phones and Before Computers.) Well then when we were still kids we were not afraid of terrorists lurking around the corner, ready to explode themselves and others with bombs wrapped around their waist or hidden in their underwear. I think if we had even mentioned such a possibility we were quickly told by Mama that this was not a proper conversation to speak of people who put foreign objects in their Jockey shorts. And quickly we changed the subject to other matters.

But what we were most warned about and what we most feared were germs and sicknesses that might be lurking in the area ready to do us harm. There were even some illnesses that we did not mention by name. We only used a letter. So it was that Phyllis With The Shoes told Fat Rosie that she heard that the woman in the grocery store had the Big C. And everyone heaved a sigh of concern and dismay. Then the subject was quickly dropped and not spoken of again, at least not where young children could hear.

When some of my friends became ill and had to stay home from school, we were told that he had the mumps or the chicken pox or even the measles. Somehow putting the word “the” in front of the sickness added more credibility and we all took in an extra breath. Especially serious was the rash, because this could occasion a multitude of sins. Maybe there was something we shouldn’t be eating or something that we didn’t eat enough of. Then there was the enough of. Then there hooping cough or the woopie cough, which was very contagious, so we knew that we had to keep our distance even when the benighted youngster returned to school.

Now adults had another problem to worry about that we kids seemed to be immune from. Fat Rosie had been told that she has pressure and that she couldn’t or shouldn’t become too agitated or excited because that would just make the pressure even worse. But just knowing that she was afflicted with this malady made her even more agitated. And telling her to think of other things didn’t help because the other things, like the children who didn’t call, or the prices at the market only increased all her distress and she told everyone that her “pressure is going through the roof.” The neighbors, all without medical degrees, cautioned her that her problem was from eating too much salt. The saltshaker should just be a decoration and food has its own taste. And also cut down on the sugar. (But then the food would have no taste! Taste, you want? Better you should be healthy.)

Facial color was always a matter with which to be concerned. Too much flushing might be a sign of “pressure,” and too little with a tinge of yellow could surely indicate that the affliction of jaundice or commonly called “the Yellow Jaundice” might be coming on. Of course, as kids we didn’t understand all these terms. But we did know that there were creatures lurking in the background, waiting to pounce. So we heard that the boy next door had some kind of “bug” and that was why he had to stay in bed. Doubtless the bug had been hiding in an unclean handkerchief or maybe dirty underwear. (The “underwear bomber” should have known of this!) And so cleanliness was “next to Godliness” and we had to make certain that we were close to the Divine whenever we left for school.

But take heart, dear friends. For “every evil under the sun, there is a cure.” And Mama made us well aware of how to ward off bugs and illnesses. Then again if all else failed and we felt that we might be coming down with something and we wanted to avoid going to the doctor who charged three dollars for an office visit and there was no insurance to cover this, we could always drink an extra glass of water (water from the sink not a bottle), have a full glass of freshly squeezed orange juice, and get an extra hour of sleep. (Shut the radio! And finish your homework!) And finally eat a big bowl of stewed prunes to clean you from whatever might be ailing you.

So even though, it might not help, it certainly couldn’t hurt. And that’s some advice we could follow, even today!